I know, I know… I took a 1 week hiatus. I was busy beating up zombies and drop kicking ninjas. That’s just how I roll. With such a crazy life, you might ask what it takes to keep such a kick-butt guy like me clean, right? I’m sure that’s what your first thought was, so this week I like:

Old Spice Swagger!!

Why Old Spice? Why Swagger? I’m glad you asked. I want to bathe myself in pure power. It takes a lot of power to go after such mighty foes as ninja robot nazi zombies who hate America, and the best way to have power pour out of my pores is to saturate myself in it every morning (late afternoon).

When you wash with Swagger, you literally feel weakness being scraped off your skin and replaced with titanium battle armor. No lie. I got bit by a¬†tyrannosaurus, but it’s teeth broke because my skin was so well protected thanks to Swagger. He didn’t even make my 10-pack abs lose their shine!

Swagger tells people that I’m a shrewd businessman, but a classy fellow. I didn’t develop my multinational fortune 500 jetpack copmany smelling nasty. Investors walk into my office and know by the smell of me that their money must be in good hands. They just can’t resist me.

Swagger leaves my skin feel smooth and well hydrated. Women can’t keep their hands off me when I use it! They’re attracted by the smooth, cool smell, but they are captivated by the strong, but gentle feel of my skin.

…but seriously, it does smell pretty good and I got $0.50 off by purchasing 2 bottles at a time!