Given the title of my blog, it only makes sense that I quickly add the next entry to the list of things I like:

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Garden Gnomes!!

There is a long, and not so flattering story for how I got into garden gnomes, so I should really make up a cool
“pretend” story that doesn’t make me look like a bad person.

But, I do want to talk about my love for them a bit. Sophomore year, my roommate, Tim, gave me a garden gnome as our housewarming gift. That was my first gnome. Today I live with approximately 20 of the guys. I recently moved and wasn’t sure what I would do my gnomes — I lived with Tim the rest of college, so there was no issue of whether or not the gnomes could stay. A couple days after I moved in, when no one else was home, I pulled out my garden gnomes and placed some around the apartment. They’ve been out for a week now, and no one has stolen them, so I think everyone has accepted them.

I’ve got a really cool book about garden gnomes. Something to know about the guys is that you can NEVER trust a garden gnome. Gnomes are known to steal from you and there have long-since been stories told about an impending garden gnome apocalypse.  I don’t buy it, but I still wouldn’t let my guard down. Rule 1 when it comes to garden gnomes is to always know what they look like when you first get them. If at sometime you find them standing in a different position or holding something different or in a different position you need to know AT THAT MOMENT. The way to defeat garden gnomes is simple: Smash them.

The last thing I’d like to say is in regards to the lady friend of one of my roommates. The other day she came over and she commented on them. She called them trolls. She called them elves. Gnomes are completely different that trolls or elves. Gnomes live in gardens, wooded areas, and don’t do any real work. Trolls are ugly little creatures with rhinestones in their stomachs. Elves live in trees or igloos and make cookies, presents, and worship the moon. For good measure, Dwarves are also not garden gnomes. Dwarves are legendary blacksmiths and minors of short stature.